In the history of film there are many spectacular sequels. One immediately thinks of The Godfather Part 2, Ocean's Twelve, House Party Two (The Pajama Jam) to name a few! Admirals relief pitcher Mike Lebreque is quick to argue Wife Swapping Vol. 33 is “the best sequel ever.”
I’ve seen plenty of great baseball movies, Mr. Baseball, Mr. 3000, For The Love of The Game.
I can tell you that “Admirals Lose…The Sequel” is good, and in fact better than such baseball movies as Moneyball, Bull Durham, Major League and The Sandlot.
The movie begins in similar fashion to the original “Admirals Lose…The Movie”.
We meet Antonio – he’s doing one arm push-ups and a PX90 class right before game time. He fuels up on bananas and almonds before he joins Graham and Jomo to sign autographs for a group of at-risk children. The guys are patient and good-natured considering they are just minutes away from a very tense game of slo-pitch vs. the Combines.
Admirals Public Relations Manager – played by the amazing, stunning, glorious and beautiful Alison Brie…did I mention she is gorgeous - ushers the players back down to the clubhouse where we meet the rest of Admirals…and it’s typical frat boy antics.
Grizzled veteran Jay Goodwin is making Morgan the rookie count the stitches on every baseball in the clubhouse.
Player/Coach/GM/ Captain Sean Dunn has his feet up on his desk. He’s playing an intense game of Yahtzee! with Alberto and Joe. The three guys are playing Yahtzee! to see which of them gets to bat 4th in the line up. It ends up being Alberto.
Last we see Doug, Ryan and Mike. They are debating the hotness of the Pussycat Dolls vs the Spice Girls. Doug is playing WWF Steel Cage Challenge on his Game Boy. Ryan is flipping through a mountain biking magazine and Mike is pouring more beer into the ice tub he is currently soaking in.
The Admirals all huddle together and break into song. Listening to these guys sing their pre-game ritual is worth the admission price alone. A well harmonized version of the Dawson’s Creek theme “I Don’t Want to Wait” by Paula Cole and a quick transition into the Matchbox Twenty mega-hit 3AM highlighted by a stunning vocal performance by Graham (complete with dance moves).
Player/Coach/GM/ Captain Sean Dunn channels his inner William Wallace and Ricky Bobby motivating his team:
“Everybody talks about the Harlem Globetrotters. WHY? Because they never had a losing streak. Who did they beat? Dunno! Don’t care! Some sack of losers. Losers that just kept losing and crying. We are free men that have the right to play Slo-pitch and win. We are the league champs. We are playing the Combines, and we beat them in the finals last year in order to be the champs. They are angry, they want to kill us. We must keep fighting with the spirit of an angry, pissed-off zebra in order to win. Let’s keep our freedom, and let’s keep not being losing streak losers.”
The film transitions to the ball field and the cinematography is beautiful. Clarington Fields is a wonderful place to film a baseball movie.
The game opens with the Admirals scoring two runs in the top of the first inning – highlighted by a Duran triple. The Combines balance the score by plating two runs of their own in the bottom half.
The scoreboard serves as the focal point showing us the seesaw battle of this epic game:
Admirals up 4-2
Combines up 6-4
Admirals up 7-6
Combines up 12-7
As the Admirals come to the plate for the last time they are down by 5.
IF this was a Disney movie, the Admirals would miraculously find a magical bat in a nearby garbage can and hit six straight 500 foot home runs and win.
BUT, this is not a Disney movie…in fact, this is an R-rated movie with 443 instances of coarse language, 37 dick jokes, three scenes with complete nudity and a secondary storyline that revolves around herpes.
NO, this is not a Disney movie, and the Admirals only managed to score 3 runs…taking the “L” 12-10.
One expects the mood of the film to change in the final act. The Admirals now have a two-game losing streak for the first time in franchise history.
Will it be a sense of despair?
With this merry band of fools turn on one-another?
Will it be a sense of relief? A realization that playing in a competitive slo-pitch league will result in some periods of consecutive losses?
The director wisely chooses to leave the interpretation open-ended.
We are taken back inside the Admirals clubhouse. It seems to be business as usual.
Mike has his regular groupies waiting at his locker:
Jay G has Morgan the rookie counting how many sunflower seeds are in each bag of Spitz.
Doug and Duran are on a Skype call with their bookie in New York. Things sound positive, the boys made $77 by betting the right side of an Australian Rules football match.
All in all the team seems in good spirits.
The camera pans one last time to Player/Coach/GM/ Captain Sean Dunn. He’s sitting at his desk, talking on the phone, a look of serious concern on his face. Dunn hangs up the phone and says for all the Admirals to hear “Mitch Dunn has been suspended for the season. Effective immediately.”
What a cliff hanger of an ending.
Oh the tension.
The Admirals are going to have to move forward and end the two game losing streak without the services of everyone’s favourite base-runner:
Can you say Trilogy?
*Editors Note: Mitch Dunn was not in the film “Admirals Lose…The Sequel” largely due to the fact that the actor that plays Mitch Dunn wanted a mega-substantial salary increase to star in the movie.
Statistical Shout Outs
Ryan "Beastmode" Beatty: 3 for 3 at the plate, with 3 runs scored (!!) and 1 RBI
Sean "No Relation to Faceplant" Dunn: 3 for 3 at the plate, with 1 run scored and 2 RBI
Graham: $10 (FK, and half of hitting into inning ending double play + stranding a runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs)
Sean: $5 (other half of hitting into inning ending double play + stranding a runner on 3rd with less than 2 outs)
The team fund sincerely thanks you for your contributions! :)